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A tale about my friend Clause
Famara, Lanzarote, Canary Islands
February, 2002
You always meet some strange characters in a foreign county. Sometimes there strange because because they are so different from you. Sometimes there strange because they really are crazy and they make a point to show you. But some are uniquely crazy, like nothing you have ever seen before.
One night I was hanging in Casa Garcia drinking a few beers when my German friend Atzi came in. He told me that he had met this guy at one of the back tables earlier in the day. They were both Hang Gliders and had met up on the Mountain. He told me that he was crazy and I would like him. We approached a table where two Germans were having a boisterous conversation. Atzi introduced me to Clause, a young guy with curly hair in a Orange Tee Shirt. He seemed really Drunk But I wasn't sure. Maybe it was the way he poured the beer down his throat, half a mug at a time, or his slurry German accent, but he also has strange twinkle in his eye. Clause invites me to sit down and have a beer. He then proceeded to to talk to his friend in German while rolling a big joint. Ten minutes go by and they just keep on talking. So I get up to leave and Clause stops me and says 'No, vait, here, you vant!!' and hands me a bag with about a 1/4 oz of pot. I say 'I guess so , sure' and as I get up he quickly snatches the bag back!! He was drunk by now and looking at me with crazy eyes so I thought he was messing with me. But then he stands up and says 'It's not enough' and walks out of the bar. He returns five minutes later with a big bag containing a few ounces. He throws it on the table and says 'Take vat you vant'. Then he sits down and sparks this giant joint to the great dismay of the staff. Soon the waiter that I had nicknamed Skinny B (resemblance to an old friend) comes over and tells him to put out the joint. Clause looks at him, grabs his big bag and throws it at waiter!! Skinny B looks at him like 'Mon Dieu', quickly snatches the bag, wraps it neatly in a napkin, sets it back on the table, throws his hands in the air and walks away mumbling obsinities in Spanish. I was getting up to leave the table (everything seemed to be getting out of hand) when I notice Atzi at the table across from us laughing his head off. He quickly gets up and comes over to our table and says some quick German to Clause. Clause then puts the joint out and everyone was happy. I'm sitting there astonished by the entire course of events.
The next night I saw Clause at the Bar and I asked him if he wanted to come to the Xmas party we were planning. He looked at me sternly and said 'I AM NOT CHRISTIAN'!! I explained that it didn't matter but he just shook his head and walked away. Later that night Nicole and I saw him on the pier with a kite and some other stuff, so we I decide to go out and investigate. As we approach we see Clause tying a kite to some water bottles. Looking like a mad scientist, he explains to us that kite fishing is a technique that has been used for centuries by poor Africans. He says that they make their kites out of garbage. Really nutty. The kite is connected to the top of a half full water bottle with hook line and weight coming out of the bottom. The main water bottle is loosely connected to a smaller bottle with no water (providing floatation?). Really crazy system, it didn't seem to work that night. The next day I'm walking back from surfing and I see this kite flying way out in the middle of the harbor. It looked like someone was standing out in the middle of the ocean flying a kite. I couldn't believe it! Clauses crazy system really worked!! The kite and float give you the ability to fish way out there where only boats can usually go. I walked out to the pier to see him real it in. All the local fisherman were there to see the show. It was unbelievable. He actually got the kite and the bottles back to shore. No fish, of course, but that didn't matter. He had shown everyone. When I walked up he came over to me with a twinkle in his eye and said 'I experimented all last night until I finally got it to work.' I casually said 'Yeah.' He then grabs my arm looks close into my eyes and spurts 'No, Really, I experimented.....'. I grab him and say 'Ok, Ok, I believe you, you nut!!!' We both laugh and he begins to tell me about the cartoon character on his kite - I say 'There Smurfs'!! He says 'Ya Ya' and tells me the name in German. He says he loves the Smurfs. From then on when we saw each other we would both yell 'Smurfs'!!
One night we were hanging at the bar and a lot of the cool kids were coming in. In Spain they do the French double cheek kiss. So all the guys and girls are greeting with kisses and Clause looks at me and says 'This is really disgusting! No really, it's terrible, the germs, even when you shake someone's hand you leave a part of yourself with them, it's really terrible....' As he is ending his rant this cute girl Beatrice, who had been standing with her back to Clause, turns around. Clause gets this crazy look on his face, leans back against the wall and yells 'Don't Touch Me!' She wasn't even approaching to kiss him. She looked at him like 'Whatever Freak' and walked away. It was hilarious. You never knew what will be next!
One night we were having dinner at Atzi's and Clause told us about his Cockroach farm. He had trapped the cockroaches in his room and put them in a water bottle. The cockroaches in the Canary's aren't small and quick like the ones we know in the states. These are big and fat and can't even run that fast. One of the big ones in the bottle had an egg and he was anxiously waiting for the arrival of babies. He became so attached to them that he brought them with him back to Germany.
Fun Facts - Clause never changed his orange Yagermeister shirt during the month he was in Famara. He works as a Nurse in Ramstein, Germany.
Christmas day was the most beautiful day we had in our entire month in Lanzarote. Nicky and I got a good bottle of Champaign and went down to the Beach. As were sitting there we see a Hang Glider come in for a great landing at the other end of the beach. That night we asked Clause if it was him and he quickly said 'Of course it was me, no one else can land on the beach!' Atzi told me later that Clause was the best flyer around.
Wow, what a character. The last time I saw clause he was driving off to the airport, cockroaches in hand, yelling 'SMURFS'!!!!!
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